should kids have a phone?
When can children get a cell phone?
Can you really put an age on it?
It’s a sensitive topic to address, and there will certainly be many opinions in this area. Before I start, I don’t have a checklist of who is doing it right or not. We probably all want the best for our children.
With that said, there are some things I hope to draw attention to, as the majority is going in a direction that can destroy our children.
I think a lot about the fact that, we as parents must be able to control and be role models in carrying a cell phone, since it is normal for the children to see us with a mobile phone. For that very fact, I chose to get a phone that was not a smartphone, I can`t check my mails, but I mainly use it for calling, texting, and giving internet to my computer.
In that way, when I intensionally want to check my mails or google or work with instagram, our website and so on, my children will see me doing that from the computer.
And why you may ask: Yes thank you for asking. It simply makes it more inconvenient, and much more intentionally. Other wise my experience is that the phone is like a magnet, seriously like a magnet, just looking at it draws me to it. I dont trust myself with a phone, therefore I dont want my kids to have one. The amount of time used on it is annoys me to say it strait forward.
Now I do see myself as having self discipline, and the content I would be seeking is harmless. But seriously it can be the mails that needs to be checked, a word search, the weather, my sales on used items, and whatever comes to mind, if instagram is visited it kindly bombs me with awesome biblical people and families which can make hours of entertainment. My time is precious and I want to be intentionel about it.
But I also know that everything we watch have an influence on how we think and our identity. Seconds of commerciels can be more influential then you think or an ungodly opnion or dresscode / lifestyle.
But now then lets get to it, and look at why our kids should or not have a phone.
I absolutely do not think that one should fall into the trap of thinking that they do not have time to keep up with social media equipment, I once heard from a media expert that developments within the media change so quickly, and it will be quick to learn how to deal with the media things that are given to you.
When we sit together with our children, looking at or searching for things, they have quickly mastered it, whether it is the computer or the mobile phone.
But no, even though I currently do not want to give my children a cell phone before they are 17- 18 years old, I do not have a guide for when you are ready to get a mobile phone, my intention is now more to draw attention to the impact of cell phones today!
I will therefore ask some questions and inspire possible solutions that can be used, if desired.
Ready 🙂 Let’s go
What is a cell phone today?
A gaming machine, an influencer, a babysitter or?
We can think so much about what our children should eat as infants, but what about the food they get through this little device that makes them the individual they grow up to be?
There was a study once with some nuns in a nunnery and then some people who were used to watching TV every day. They had put some devices on all of them to check their reactions and sensitivity to what they saw in a movie. The same movie was shown with poverty and violence but the reaction of those who were used to watching TV was low, whereas the nuns had shown great compassion and sadness towards what they saw.
If it is daily, watching violent things, even if it is computer games, it really affects children’s ability to feel compassion.
I also don’t believe that you need to fill your children with violent cartoons to make them understand that the world can be evil.
They are actually better at judging from a healty perspective, if they have an opinion of peace and love in their hearts. If they are daily exposed to the fact that violence is a game or ok to use, they will not be a good judge of what is right and wrong, since that is just everyday life. And the mind is set to act acoordingly too what has been inprinted from the games and enviromentel acceptence. Example may be, shooting down people, killing them as a game or watching movies that show pourly dressed girls or ruined marriges where divorce or one night stands is ok to watch or indulge in. I could come up with multiple examples.
Just a few questions before we move on:
- What does your child use the phone for mostly?
- And are you aware of what it is used for?
- Is it a babysitter?
- A game console?
- Constant movie / you tube / tik tok entertainment?
- Do you notice how often it is in their hand, or how many hours are spent on it?
- Is your child allowed to be a child for a particularly long time? or is the impact to become an adult look a like?
- Have you noticed how dependent your child is on it? and how it affects the child if it is not available?
- There are so many young people who experience serious bullying, as it is easy to hide behind a screen and bully that way, do you know if your child is hiding something in that area? ( It may take a little patience and loving talk to find out )
- A lot of content has been created that are not at all age-appropriate, I think you know what I mean, have you blocked programs like; you tube or something that makes this available?
- Funny question maybe, but why have you given your child a cell mobile?
A little to think about
and then ideas for solutions
It can be so easy to look at all the educational and exciting things that are available too, for example my boys tried to lure me by saying that they only wanted to watch and listen to sermons on it, LOL, they really know how to trick mom 🙂 because yes, I am really happy that they see that I have been using my previous cell phone for that. I think that it helps to make such topics like sermons more interesting when the availability of much else is not there. Self-discipline is a difficult thing, and we can’t expect a child to it 🙂
It can really also be different from child to child in the home, what and how much it is used, maybe one of your children can manage it ok, and is not really interested in it, which is probably a rarity, LOL, while another has come to a candy store with endless supplies.
Just think how much we use our mobile phones ourselves, and how impatient we are if we don’t get a hold of the person we called. Remember the time when you agreed with your parents when you should be home, or when your parents called each other? It’s not that long ago, but it can be easy to get caught up in habits that are becoming more and more popular, and it’s healthy every now and then to stop and think about what we’re actually doing and spending time on.
The Emperor’s New Clothes is an absolute favorite story, so you have to read it, if you don’t know it, read it with your children please 🙂 It’s so thought-provoking to me that even though it’s a fictional story, it really puts it into perspective how quickly you can start to believe something that’s a lie, or go with the flow, to please each other, until a child stood up and told the truth.
So what’s wrong with being different? if it’s a good thing. I’m so glad that Martin Luther and many others stood up, for what they believed in being the truth, let’s not just follow the flow, and ungodly advice, Ask your Father in heaven for advice!
Well, we also live in this world, and we have to adapt, I’ve heard that many times, but if you ask God, he never wanted his people to be like this world, in fact they were given a lot of laws because, God wanted them to be a different people, so that those around them could see that they belonged to Him. God does not agree with “worldly behavior”, so why should we?
What and who we follow is also what and who we become!
Romans 12:2 And do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God.
I really believe we must be wary of a device that constantly tells us who we should be, think, dress, believe, behave, etc.
If we as parents cannot say no for our children’s sake, in an area where we feel pressure from the world, then we cannot expect them to do so now or later in their lives.
It can be difficult and require a lot of courage from both parents and children to be different, I tell my children that they can just blame me in front of their friends because they are not allowed to have a cell phone.
Who decides?
Is it the parents, the children or?
I have heard countless times from lovely, loving parents who ask the question of; How do you say no to your children when it comes to mobile phones and games.
Simple answer is: We are the parents, we just say no! an d then we expalin over and over again why.
From my observations, it seems that many children today can change parents good opinion by comparison with other children.
And thus the children are also getting younger and younger before they have a mobile phone in their hand.
If you have a conviction that you should say no, do not let the past control your choice, it is better to do something now, than not to act on it at all.
We ourselves as parents are on a journey in this life, where we can learn from our mistakes and shortcomings and can bless the people around us with the gifts we have been given, no one is perfect, and it is wonderful to be able to advance the kingdom of God by inspiring and helping each other.
As parents, we have been given a great and valuable gift, to be able to disciple the children we have been given, a responsibility with a lot of joy, work, learning and love.
How to start again?
But with all that said, it is important that you do not make a choice that is not talked about with your partner or thought through, as you also need to be prepared for responses and big questions from a child who may have been used to being constantly entertained via mobile. And is now a cell addict that needs to be clean. Dont expect an easy time, you are dealing with an addict and the pressure from surrounding addicts dosen´t make it any easier.
Have a lot of conversations about what you want to do with your partner or self, whether it is restrictions, or another type of mobile.
It is such a great strength that you as parents can stand together in this, there is no reason to be divided in it, or act hastily, maybe just ask each other some questions and leave it there, and then follow up on it another day.
It is about habits, and they also apply to parents, because perhaps you are used to not seeing your child, as there is just silence, and a little kid / teenager sits and eats junk food unsupervised in the room via the screen’s training.
If you choose to take the mobile phone away from a child completely, the child must of course also feel and understand that it is in love and in the best interest of the child. You should also not count on the child wanting to understand that it is the best for them, and you are doing it out of love for them. It may be that you will experience that your love will be rejected, who knows how difficult it will be for the child, but in the end you will reap the fruits you have sown. You should probably not count on a big thank you! It may be that for someone, it only comes when they themselves become parents, and realize your deep and self-sacrificing love.
You may have helped to leave an impression in their decisions about what they want to do for their children also.
It can take time and perseverance to get new radical habits, and before the mind is renewed, don’t give up!
Thought-provoking? But what about giving a good old-fashioned mobile phone that can only text and call? What is the real reason they have a cell phone today and how important is it, or how important is it that they don’t have one?
Our kids can have a phone that can only call and text, and take some pictures, allthough it is hard to find that kind of phone and also be able to take great pictures.
We have had many Conversations about it, and we have a good saying; I love you to much, to give you a cell phone. ( A cell phone which is a gamins machine and wordly influencer )
Our kids work daily on the computer in their school, because they use bible project, have math classes and as a searchengine. But having google and other so called cyper friends we dont see as needed.
Thank you for reading!
I hope that in some way this is a blessing for your family, whatever you decide.
Many loving thoughts from us!
