Our Baby in Heaven
Shiloh Salem
We were about 2 months pregnant when we found out that our baby inside my belly is with our Father in heaven and is more alive than we are.
We want to share a little of our story and how we experienced being strengthened in faith and carried through it by our Father in heaven, in the hope that it can be of help to others.
We went with the question of whether we should have more children for several months, we experienced such a struggle this time mentally, in both dreams, and other things that we have both never experienced before, questions appeared, fear and confusion. We decided to go against the fear and confusion and put it in the hands of the Lord and if it turned out that we did not get pregnant, we would take it as an answer and rest in it.
I started to feel menstrual-like pains and was sure that I was not pregnant, so we rested nicely in it, but were quickly surprised when it did not come.
With all of our first 4 children, I was bedridden due to vomiting and lost so much weight to only weighing about 41 kg. It was always a very hard time to get through. It was difficult even drinking water and was almost hospitalized several times, so we knew that Søren would have to take time off work for about 1.5 months.
I had already prepared about 30 small soup meals to make it easy for Søren to give me some food and so that I might be able to get some nutrition from.
But to our surprise, I didn’t throw up and didn’t even feel like it, not even once. Then I got a little worried and went to the doctor because I felt fine. There was no doubt that I was pregnant when the doctor took a test, so she comforted me by saying that she herself had had 3 very different pregnancies and that I just had to enjoy it.
The nausea varied and became more severe, I was very tired and unmotivated, but compared to what I had been through before, I could hide it when we were with others, we thought it might be a bit fun to surprise the family a little later.
We had shared it with the children the day after we found out, because we expected that I would throw up.
We told them by making a little riddle for them to solve, they were all over the moon happy. They talked to the baby, made cute drawings for the baby, so much cozy talk and joy about the baby filled everyday life.
The children kept it a secret for a month.
and Dad took 2 months off from work
It was so cool that, all our children had kept it a secret for a month, we were looking forward to share it.
You start planning, is the car big enough, where should we put the diaper table, which chair will be good for breastfeeding, how should we sit at the dining table, we all prepared ourselves mentally and had fun talking about it.
I was looking forward to being scanned, I needed confirmation that everything was ok, everything felt so different in this pregnancy. But when we were on a trip in week 8 of the pregnancy and I had to go to the toilet. Spots of blod, was there I had never experienced that before. We found out in one of my pregnancy books that a Little bid of blood could be very normal, so we hoped for the best, the next day there was a little more blood and then we called the doctor. We were scheduled for a scan the next day, but chose to cancel it, as we felt more at peace doing that. We were also told that everything could be fine, since there was no pain and it was just spots of blood. So we chose to put it in God’s hands and trust in Him.
We couldn’t do anything, but just needed to hear God’s word and pray together. Søren had been at home for 2 months without pay, which is crazy, just think about it, what would your finances look like if no one in your household got paid for 2 months, and our food budget had almost doubled because of nausea. I had a hard time shopping and cooking, a lot of food and people just smelled and I felt nauseous. Funny enough, I ate like never before, it was just very much determined by the nausea what I could eat.
We are so grateful for God’s grace in the middle of it all, think how good he is, our finances are also blessed because of him, it’s to his glory.
On day 5 with some spots of blood, it became more like menstrual bleeding and a few contractions came, then we understood what had happened, but it took several days after that before I gave birth, by just having a single contraction.
Some experience that it can happen immediately and others that it happens over several days.
We rested in the fact that God was in everything.
This may sound very easy to say, as it was a very painful experience and one will still be affected by it for the rest of one’s life.
Our response to God?
in the experience we had.
One of the hardest things was also sharing it with our children, it was hard to see their sadness and frustration about what had happened, especially our 2 oldest. The day we told them, we cried together, we had many questions answered, we all just needed to do something and be together all the time. We are so grateful for the good conversations, we believe that it is important not to cover up ones feelings, but also that you do not stay in a circle of self-pity.
We have a lot to be happy about and it is important to look at!
We can look back on God’s faithfulness in so many things! And it is important to remember.
I will try to describe how we found rest in God and felt strengthened and surrounded by His presence.
Hoping that it is for a blessing!
We felt no bitterness or anger towards God, but what filled us the most was a feeling of condemnation in the midst of it all, was it something I/we had done, was it something I had eaten, lifted, had we not listened or heard God in it, was it because I was sick shortly after our baby was conceived and all sorts of questions came along the way.
It quickly dawned on me that my accuser the devil, his job is precisely to accuse me/us and give condemnation, to destroy what God has for us as a family, and that would just be a joy for the evil one.
Even when we fail, God’s grace is great enough and there is no condemnation in those who are in Jesus!
Before and after we found out that our baby is with our father in heaven, we really felt God leading us in what we needed, in sermons, prayer and God’s word. We also listened to the story of another Christian family who had been in a similar situation.
From Now that we are a family episode: 172:
A big ? that made an impression on us.
That we heard in a sermon.
Do we fear or love the Lord our God for nothing, or to receive something?
Are we Christians only to be blessed and how do we react in hard situations?
Jesus in the Book of Job.
In the book of Job, Satan asks God the question; Does Job surely only love God because of all his blessings? then it is easy to worship God. But God proves that Job serves God for nothing, whereupon Job’s 3 friends immediately think that Job suffers because of his sin.
The Torah is clear that if you obey the law/Torah you are blessed, if not, you have sinned.
It is of course a blessing to follow God’s word, but there is a problem in the Torah, if everything is based on the fact and reason that we follow God to be blessed. Because what is the motivation behind it all, do we then in fact love God? The greatest and first commandment in which the entire Torah is summarized in is; to love God. Or do we chase and only have in mind being blessed? then it is not possible to live up to this commandment.
Even though that was what Job was questioned, we dont live to FOLLOW the Torah, we FOLLOW a person who is and has fulfilled the entire Torah for us, Jesus! Since we are actually not able to.
But is our motivation that we fear God? or that we want to gain something?
In the book of Job we see a prototype of our Messiah, the suffering servant who was to come, which Isaiah paints a picture of in Isaiah 53, His own people, the Jews to this day still do not understand that God’s Messiah Jesus had to suffer, if you suffer you cannot be righteous. Jesus came as low in life as it was possible to come. Like Job, he was first exalted, then brought low, and then exalted again. There are several things to highlight and examples of these images and prototypes of Jesus in stories throughout the Bible.
God emphasizes twice in Job’s story that he sees no sin in Job, but that Job is tamim in Hebrew, like a perfectly perfect sacrifice.
Job did not understand what was happening, but despite all his accusations against him, he chooses to speak well of God and trust in Him.
Daniel’s 3 friends said: in Dan 3,15:18
That their God could save them from the fiery furnace, but even if he did not, they would serve Him.
God does not owe us anything, but we owe Him everything!
Often God is only thought of as a gift shop, when I have had conversations with some who in their responses almost say; so what is in it for me if I become a Christian? As if we are going to entice people to become Christians.
It is His great grace and love that He will accept us undeservedly.
He is our creator and the king of the universe!
Our Character is being tested
Abraham and Sarah could not have children, and when God then blesses them, Isaac also becomes a test of Abraham’s trust in God. God gave Isaac, but he could also take Isaac back.
Tests show us what lives in our hearts.
In the Bible we constantly see people being put to the test, to see if they respond with faithfulness or act by their own wisdom in disobedience.
Our character is tested, and here on earth the sun rises on both the evil and the good, we also do not understand when the evil ones are blessed or when the good people experience suffering.
And why did this story give us such great comfort, because at a time when both we together as a couple and individually were searching and hungry for more of God’s word, like never before, in the midst of us as a family growing to new levels in seeing God. It came as a hard hit, not that we felt it depended on our performance in any way, for we know that our righteousness comes only from Jesus and not our works, but there is one who wants to steal, kill and destroy and even though we don’t understand what has happened, we know that God is completely good.
This world is not perfect and there are hardships, but God has promised to be with us through it all. And through it all, He is shaping and forming our hearts so that we can become more like Jesus! God turns evil into good.
So many condemning thoughts can come in such a situation, no matter what has happened, in everything we can trust God, God is life and life in abundance. No matter what evil there is in this broken world, it is important to keep our eyes fixed on God!
We can always trust God.
We feel strengthened in our faith, even though it was hard, God has truly in all His grace taken us to new heights with Him, He wants us to grow and grow in our trust in Him.
We are so grateful for our children, God is truly gracious to have entrusted us with them, we feel undeserving of it, but richly blessed!
We move forward in God’s peace, grace, and blessing, and with renewed strength.
Shiloh Salem.
